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Riots at Public Kindergarten |
KNOXVILLE, TN, Sequoya Elementary: Riots broke out today as children and teachers alike broke out in what was to be the most obnoxious argument on the planet. One of the teachers said Santa Claus wasn't real, and the children decided to attack the teacher with toy powertools from the wood shop. "Once the kids jumped up on me, I started to beat one in the face with a ruler, but they just overcrowded me." This teacher hit the intercom and screamed for help as the children stepped all over her.
The riots ended quickly as the police entered the building and riddled teachers and students alike with shotgun shot and .9mm bullets. Sheriff Jerome Bigsby says, "We did what was necessary. Once one of the students came after an officer with a plastic hammer, they had gone too far. We had to act immediately and decisively."
One of the parents, who's child survived with only mild brain damage and a gun shot wound to the heart, spoke at a press meeting today, "What these kids need is discipline. Just because someone put their closely held beliefs under fire, they don't need to over react." The woman later in the day shot a man because he criticized her style of clothing.
The principal also spoke out against these riots, "I think what we need is stricter rules around the school. From this day forward, plastic saws, hammers, wrenches, and other paraphenelia are banned from the school." When questioned about why the teacher try to change their beliefs, he shifted his eyes quickly and stated, "I need a bathroom break." He has been missing for three days.
-- HoGs HeaD, fifty year old republican who believes in diapers and sex changes.