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         \  /             http://www.sinnerz.com               \  /   
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The Insignificance Manifesto
by \\StOrM\\

Comon Johnny.
Wake up.
You've got school today.
Uh?
Wake up.
Argh..
Johnny.
Wake up NOW.
Yeah.
It's time to get ready for school.
So?
So you need to wake up, get up, and go to school.
Why's that?
Stop stalling.
You're not funny.
Good.
Because I'm being serious.
OK...
You need to go to school to get an education.
Is that answer good enough for you?
Sure.
Don't know why it wouldn't be.
So tell me, mother.
Why do I need a good education?
Is it because I'm dumb?
No.
You know better than that.
What's wrong with you lately, Johnny?
Wrong is the state of not being right.
Being right is a relative term.
Relative to the rest of the world's thinking.
So me as a whole is wrong, I suppose.
Or maybe I don't know how I stand.
Or maybe I don't know how to stand.
I think you better stand up.
Young man.
Wise guy.
And go get an education.
You never answered my question, mom.
You need an education so you can make money when you grow up.
Why would I want to do that?
Johnny.
You need money to live...
Which brings me, dearest mother, to Exhibit A.
Life.
Why do I want to live?
So I can learn, get money, and be happy?
People ask themselves what it takes to achieve "true happiness."
What did happiness ever do for me?
Well, Being happy is a good thing. 
Is it not, Johnny?
Happiness may be "good."
But.
Are good things what people need.
You aren't making sense, son.
Then I must be destroying sense.
What is the point of me, mom?
Whatever you make of it, I suppose.
And if I kill me?
That's horrible.
Don't talk about things like that.
Your father and I would be devastated.
Son, I've always loved you.
You know that.
Please.
Come down and eat breakfast.
...
I'll call your father.
Mom.
If I am dead.
Why do I care if you cry?
Johnny, please.
Mom.
Look at my best-case scenario.
This of course.
Through the eyes of the world.
I am extremely smart.
I am accepted into Harvard.
I am an honest, rich lawyer.
I enjoy my profession.
I have a wonderful wife.
I have kids and grandchildren.
I am healthy until my death at the age of 90.
So f**king what?
Why not die now?
Instead of when I am 90.
Even if there is a God.
Even if there isn't a God.
I can never truly believe.
I must be offered proof.
This cannot be given to me.
I cannot believe.
So now can I not go into heaven?
I should just go to church.
Become a hypocrite.
Pretend I believe.
Make everyone feel better.
So I am condemned to hell?
If life in hell is eternal.
And life in heaven is eternal.
Then earthly life.
Material life.
It is nothing.
This life is insignificant.
So then, mother.
Now should I pray to Jesus?
Or do I go to school.
So I can be like everyone else.
And die like everyone else.
That is.
Of course.
Everyone's goal.
Conformity inspires all of us.
To the extent that we all follow the common.
The unspoken tradition through the years.
Even myself.
To the extent that I have followed.
Follow the world's schedule for my life.
My life which serves no purpose.
But to do what the world wishes for all people to do.
Staying alive.
When compared to the magnitude of eternity.
Humanity is nothing.
An eternity of perfection.
An eternity of fire and brimstone.
No purpose.
No significance.
Life is insignificant.
When compared to the theory.
The theory regarding post-human experiences.
Afterlife.
When a mortal dies.
They lie dead.
They cease to exist.
They are nothing.
What they were is insignificant.
Billions were born.
Billions will die.
No eternity.
Just nothingness.
I serve no purpose.
I know not of when I was not here.
I know not why I am here now.
No one can convince me God made me.
No one can convince me science made me.
Am I depressed.
No.
Am I confused.
Am I lost.
I only ponder things.
I look at the big picture.
But consider.
What if.
I am right.
What if.
But consider.
Johnny is not a psychopath.
Only one to be misunderstood.
Misunderstood as all others who discover.
Open new doors.
Or I am wrong.
Not right.
Simply too over analytical to get a grip.
Maybe if I felt things.
Feelings.
If I didn't act as though I felt them.
But I really felt them.
If I had an idol.
If I had only watched good things on television.
If I had never been exposed to decidedly bad things.
What if.
But consider.
Psychiatrists.
Smart people.
Best-case scenario of me and a shrink.
I see a shrink.
I realize happiness is what I want.
I realize I can live a happy life.
I become oblivious.
Oblivious to the fact that no one serves any significant purpose.
What if great men do so-called great things for humanity.
When they die, then what of it?
But does this change.
Change the way life is for me?
Make me conform.
Conform to how I should enjoy life.
Stop worrying why I do anything at all.
Why I do everything I do.
Why help my others.
Why help myself.
Why.
Why not.
Because everyone else does.
Your mom did.
Your dad did.
Everyone did.
Everyone does.
Everyone will.
I shall not.
Someone asks me my name.
Someone asks me anything.
I feel I should do something.
I should get a haircut
I should get a job to make money and raise a family
What if.
But consider.
Ponder the consequences of my failure to act.
Failure to respond.
I fail to achieve happiness.
I miss an opportunity.
And?
So?
Why not go lay naked in my back yard.
Think hard.
Look at the big picture.
It is what matters.
It is what owns you.
The big picture must.
It must be viewed in perspective.
It is what you lose sight of.
Now, returning to the point in question.
Why do I do anything.
Why can I not decide that the whole "life" thing is not for me.
It is not for me.
Life bores me.
I think about life too hard.
Lighten up, Johnny.
Just conform.
If life ever excited me.
Does that make me significant.
It only means I am conforming to feelings and things others do.
Do we only.
Do I only.
Only have desire for life because it is all we truly have.
I am not depressed.
People die every day.
Die of hunger and lack of shelter.
So what?
Does it hurt them to die.
When they die they are dead.
Their pain ends.
Their happiness ends.
That is OK
Maybe they go to an eternal life.
Maybe they go nowhere.
This matters little.
Mother, you think.
Think these things I say are unfounded.
Just crazy babbling.
What if they have meaning.
I will grant you that the odds are damn low.
But that doesn't make it bad.
The meaning of life is not existant.
If life has real meaning.
It is in the minds of society.
Animals.
The inhuman ones.
They live to stay alive.
If they do not defend themselves.
They are killed.
How pointless their lives are.
We are the same.
The only exceptions are these.
We have an unspoken moral and ethical code guiding us.
This is sometimes broken.
We have a more unnoticed way of behaving.
Way of everything we do.
It guides our use of vocal and written language.
It guides our styles of transportation.
It is never truly broken.
No reason for it.
All so damn dumb.
If I go to hell.
It is supposed that I feel pain.
Eternal burning.
Would one not become numb to it?
Or does Satan make you feel pain in ways we cannot comprehend.
If this were so that you could not ignore it.
Satan would own your mind.
My point being.
Hell would get boring fast.
As would eternal perfection.
Heaven.
No one can say I stand in the wrong.
No one can say if I am right.
But only the few who understand these words will be scared.
The rest laugh.
Enough, Johnny.
Go to school like all the other girls and boys.
Yes, mother.
Of course.
...
...
...
These words are the product of a mind.
An idle mind as far as it concerns material. The world as we know it.
But a blossoming analytical machine when dealing with theory and conflict?
Maybe not.
All respect I ever received by those supposed more intelligent than I.
It is gone now after they read this.
This only reinforces my ideas.
It is unfortunate I have already been impressed upon too much,
So much that I cannot follow my true thinking.
But because of my humanistic mind, and unrepressible culture.
I will have to find confidence in my ideas somewhere.
Before I can practice what I preach.
These are sad times when self-esteem controls us all in such a manner.