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L------\------/------7 \/ \/ L------\------/------7 \ / \ / \ / http://www.sinnerz.com \ / \/ \/ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Jonny Phreak's adventures in the Sticks - cZk - 11/29/97 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Ok, one day our hero Jonny Phreak, clad in his stolen bell south shirt, his stolen bell hardhat, and his also stolen utility belt with his coincidently stolen lineman's handset, was looking for a telco man hole when some real ugly bicth came up to him and was all "uNF uNF whatcha doin?" and Jonny Phreak was like "i'm sorry, i dont talk to ugly bitches" so the ugly bitch says "blah blah muh daddy will keel yew yew dirty jew" and so naturaly our friend Jonny Phreak replied and said "HEY you get your bitchass back in the kitchen and make me some pie#@~" and she ran off somewhere and Jonny continued his quest. he looked for about 20 more minutes until he found a perfect manhole but alas, some bitchass frum the fone comapny was down there doing some kinda shit. Most phreaks whould be all like "0h nooooo i pheer authority%@#~" and run away while pissing themselves, but not Jonny Phreak, Jonny Phreak jumped down in the manhole and whipped out his "Official Telco Ninja" badge and told mr. fix it man to get the fuck out of the hole, the bell employee neglected to do as he was told. Jonny Phreak told him to get the fuck out and to do his laundry before he busted out the j00-jits00 skeelz on the fat bastard and once again, the bell employee declined and that forced Jonny Phreak to pull out his strap, see Jonny Phreak NEVER goes field phreaking without his trusty 500,000 watt tazer in his pocket and his tear gas gernade (incase those bell fuckers call the police and Jonny needs to vamoose into the night undetected while the piggies choke on thier own saliva and tears) in his backpack. So anyway, Jonny pulls out the stun gun and fries the shit out of the fat bell dude and hooks up to one of the modules. 1-800-MY-ANI-I-----POW#@~ that ugly bitch got her dad to kick Jonny's ass! well, the one blow of the rifle stock nocked our hero unconcious and Bubba Ray (ugly bitch's dad) tied him to the back of the truck and drove home to deliverance alabama, (Bubba Ray was in town for a hunting convention) and upon his arival Jonny began to come to, when he did he was like "what the fuck?" and ugly bitch, who was guarding him was like "uNF uNF i told yew asswipe, yew shoulda been nicer to me" and Jonny says "HEY why dont YOU go back to sanfransisco, with the REST of the jews#@~" and she took great offense and told him that he was fuct up the ass good now cause they stole his stun gun, and that they were gonna wait till all the family was there and tie some sticks to his head and close thier eyes and spin around a few times and then go deer-phreak hunting. when he heard this he was getting pissed and he told her to slob his nob and to get away frum him and let him sleep, she complied with his request and went inside like the ugly bitch that she is. Now of course our hero Jonny wasnt gonna go out like a deer at a drunken alabama family reunion so he thought all night about what to do and he came up with something purely genious, he knew when he was back home he had to brag like shit about this to all his maven friends. Well, dawn came and so did the cousins... Jim Bob, Cletus, BobbyBoBob, Cousin Tyler, the twins, BillyBo, and Ma Coopanhagan. BubbaRay had everyone gather round the spitoon and he explained the situation to the best he could, what with his extensive vocabulary and all. "well this here fella was-a talkin dirty to muh daughter the ugly bitch so i done nocked him out, an we're gonna hunt 'im fer sport then were gonna take the carcass, and eat it what with the 0-Day new fire place i done installed muh self out by where the old out house was, i done made i nice conver-cinver-convershun outta it, outhouse t' fire puttin place." all the family agreed and Jonny asked them to untie him to make it more sportsman like and they said "hhheeeeeeelllll nnnnnnaaaaawwwww" so he told them if they untied him he would show them all how to count frum 10 to 20 so they figured they could all use some more book-lreanin and did as he asked, he told them he would give them all some beer and GPCs he had in his back pack so he reached in, and while his hand was in the backpack he pulled the pin out of the tear gas gernade and handed it to bubba ray and said, here's your beer, have fun" at this point Jonny TRUCKED into the woods leaving bubba ray trying to figure out how to open "that there can-a beer" for a few secounds until it went off, sending everyone to their knees. When Jonny got far enuff into the woods he whipped out the trusty nokia and dialed up the vmb for all his brudders, 1-800-LIN-NOIS and he told them to gas up the fone-mobile and come pick him up. thanx to aniII [a test edition] (the ONLY good use of it was this) he didnt need to tell them his location or anything, they would just break out the skeeelz and go to work. Joe Mangor jumped into the hooptie (a stolen bell van) and drove down to deliverance and picked up Jonny Phreak and they lived happily ever after, and NONE of Jonny Phreak's associates ever left home without teergas gernades again.