_________  ___  _______      
   \~=._      _.=~/      /   _____/ |   | \      \       \~=._      _.=~/ 
    \   ~=__=~   /       \_____  \  |   | /   |   \       \   ~=__=~   /
     \_.=~  ~=._/        /        \ |   |/    |    \       \_.=~  ~=._/ 
 _.=~ \        / ~=._   /_______  / |___|\____|__  /    .=~ \        / ~=.
L------\------/------7          \/               \/   L------\------/------7
        \    /                                                \    / 
         \  /             http://www.sinnerz.com               \  /   
          \/                                                    \/



                          Mr. ph0rk'z Adventurez

	Once opon a time there was a kindly young pervert by the name of 
ph0rk. Every night he would go home to masturbate. His technique was good,
from under the leg, on the head, two handed, and the vacume position. Even
tho masturbation satisfied him well, he still wanted the real thing without
paying 50 dollars. 
	For days and days he thought how he would get a chick. Rape? No
the chick would probably be a man with his luck. He couldnt think of any
way to acctually attact chicks, so he did some studys by watching porn 
movies. The porn movies were good, and he noticed all the male porn stars
had their sacks shaved. "Hmm this is what I must do to get the chicks" ph0rk
thought. As Mr. Ph0rk entered the bathroom he turned on the light and took
off his pants, he sat on the toilete with his nutsack hanging over the 
edge, and looked at it. A fresh smell of fish swept up his nose. He streched
the sack around, still sticky from last time he had his way with himself. 
	Mr. ph0rk took the shaver from off the sink that was sitting next
to him, and gazed at the sharpness of the blade. It was sharp yet rusty, and
it had a glint of mold on the edges. He looked around the bathroom for some
shaving cream, but none could be found.."What to do, what to do." muttered
mr.ph0rk. ph0rk stood up and opened up his medicince cabinite. He slunched
for it was bare all exept for a bottle of ben gay. "I wonder what this ben
gay would so if I put it on my dickhola?" He thought to himself as he opened
it up and started squirtin it into his hand. He then took the white creamy
ben gay and spread it all over his sticky, hairy, wrinkley sack.
	"Ooh tingly" ph0rk said as he shivered. 
	Just then the phone rang in the other room, so ph0rk had to put 
his pants back on to walk over to the ringing phone. "hello" ph0rk said in
a deep voice.
	"Yes, is ph0rk there?" said the voice on the phone.
	"Yes, speaking, who is this?"
	The tingling sensation in which first inhabbited his sack has turned
into a burning flame of agony on his scrotum.
	"WHO THE FUCK AHH IS THIS?!@!@#?" Screamed ph0rk.
	"This is port and port phone company" 
	"I dont want MOTHER FUCKING GODDAMNIIT!@# any."ph0rk replied
	"Sir are you alright? You sound hurt." The man on the other end said.
	"no, Im fine FUCKIN SHIT!@# no really Im doing just hunky dory"
	***Click****
	The excrusiating heat from the ben gay led ph0rk into a temperary
insanity, as he hung up the phone and dry humped everything in sight, he 
humped the walls, the chair, the tv, couch, magazines, pictures of his 
grandmother, stray dogs. Even with the constant humping the pain did not
cease. "please....god....make....it....stop" ph0rk begged. Just then he 
heard the ice cream man ring his bell to sound the eager children to buy
his icy delights. "I GOT AN IDEA!@#" exclaimed ph0rk exitedly!
	Mr. Ph0rk ran down the stairs to greet the on coming ice cream man
and ordered an ice cream cone. The man smiled and winked as he handed ph0rk
the delight, while ph0rk unzipped his pants and let out a great sigh and a 
big smile as he dipped his nuts into the cool refreshing ice cream cone. 
ph0rk watched as the children all ran as they screamed. "Why are they 
running?" he wondered. 
	He walked back upstairs with the ice cream cone still hanging from
his nuts with juices running down his leg, and went back into the bathroom.
"I guess Ill have to shave my nuts without shaving cream..oh well" he again
let his balls hang over the edge of the seat and streched it out, grabbed
the blade and started his work.
	He started slow and easy making sure to get every hair that dangled
from the skin, but then he started getting a little cocky (pardon the pun)
and just rippin at it like a whore with a dildo. 
	All of a sudden ph0rk heard a loud "riiIIiIiiIiPPPPpp" and a feirce
sharp pain and two *plop* *plop*. Ph0rk looked down and in a mass of blood
on the floor he saw two testicles just sitting there, still twiching and 
bleeding. "THOSE...THOSE ARE MY NUTS!@#! MY MODER FUCKIN NUTS!@#" 
	The pain increased with every throb of blood that pumped through
his heart, he looked again at the testicles on the floor and decided after
the pain was gone he would put them back in. He straddled as he walked
back into the bedroom with blood gushing out of his open sack. Mr ph0rk
didnt seem pleased about his open sack and his testicles in his hand. He 
gently put his nuts in a platic bag and put them in the freezer, sat down
and thought about what he was going to do. Fido his dog was licking his 
open flesh wound on the sack "BAD BOY GO AWAY!@#" he yelled as fido scrunched
up and walked off. Mr. Ph0rk started getting a little dizzy from the blood loss 
and passed out. 
	13 hours later he awoke to the sound of the gentle lapping of fido
licking his genitals again. "GO AWAY FIDO!@#" ph0rk yelled again. The dog
ran off under the couch.. If ph0rk was to sew his nuts back into his sack
he must go to the store and pick up some needle and thread. When he got up
to put on some pants five or six flys zoomed out of the area where the sack
was slit open. "Oh deer lord!@#" mr.ph0rk said exitely. He grabbed his pants
and gently put them on. As he was zipping up his pants he caught the head
of his penis in the zipper and let out a cry of agony and quicly unzipped it
and re did it..Mr.ph0rk's penis wansnt in quality condition anymore.
	As Mr.Ph0rk arived at the local grocery store his penis started
tickling a litte, but he paid no attention for the fact he just thought
of it as a side effect to his testicles falling out the previus night. 
He walked into the store and greeted the old lady sitin at the counter and 
went to the section that had the needle and thread, picked it up bought
it and walked out. When he arived home the tickling in his penis grew 
stronger and when he tried to scratch it would just hurt, so he thought it
would just be better off if he left it alone.
	Mr. Ph0rk went to the freezer and grabbed his nuts, and hurried 
to the bathroom.
	He entered back into the bathroom that was now in habited with 
hundreds of flies that were all buzzing around the pool of blood that was 
spilled from the previus nights little "accident" Mr. Ph0rk sat down on
the toilete seat and let his nuts hang off the edge. In his left hand held
the bag that held the needle and thread. ph0rk took out the needle and thread
and shakely opened his wound back up, he then carfully sewed his nuts back
onto the tiny nerves in which used to hold them, with each pinch of the nerve
mr. ph0rk let out a terrorfing screm, the nerves flinched each time the 
needle peirced the flesh.
	After 5 hours of complete and udder pain he finally got the two 
testicals sewed back onto the nerves, now he had to sew the wound back up
so the nuts would not be in danger of falling out again. His skin around
the sack became brittle and each time the needle went through he heard a 
soft 'pop' arise. 

   			* * * * * * * * * * * *
	
	Its been a week since that incident and mr.Ph0rk has gone about his
life as normal, in fact he has a girlfriend!@# Her name is suzan and she to
is a virgin. A wopping 431 pounds makes this girl a handfull for mr. Ph0rk
as one day he thought he was feelin her up but in turn was only feeling a 
roll. Still they have not had sex. 
	But tonight was a special night for Mr. Ph0rk he intends to make
loud, mad, passonite love to his heavy partner (Him on top of course). He 
made a wonderful romantic dinner which made her horney as a monkey in the 
zoo, soon they were on the couch kissing, jiggling, and over all he had
his hands down her huskey pants. SHe groaned as he unbuttoned and unzipped
her jeans and started tounging her clit "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!@#?" he 
yelled as he pulled out what seemed to be a glob of tuna "IS THIS FUCKING
TUNA!?@#"
	"Sorry dear" suzan replied
	"Why the fux0r do you have tuna in your fukin cunt!@#?"
	"It makes me feel good"
	Mr. Ph0rk looked deeper into the endless pit in which he found the 
tuna and found tape worms infesting the tuna, eating the tuna and worste of
all living in her fucking cunt!@# Mr. ph0rk jumped back and quickly ran to 
the bathroom and puked..and puked...and puked some more. 
	"Honey whats wrong!?" Asked suzan.
	"You got fuckin tuna and worms in your cunt!@"
	Suzan stuck her hand in her cunt and pulled out a hand full of 
white flat worms, and exclaimed "Oh so I do!@#" She looked up at mr.ph0rk
and frowned "I bet your not perfect either ph0rk" she said. 
	"I dont have freakin animals livin below my belt do I?@!#"
	Just then the tickling feeling in which he felt all this week
started up again, then turned to pain, he looked down at his scrotum and saw
it throbbing. Somthing was trying to get out!@# Little heads seemed to be 
bumping into the sides of his scrotum in order to get out. Just then he heard
a ripping sound, and he looked again and saw that the wound he stiched up 
was wide open and millions of maggots were crawling out 
"THOSE FUCKING FLYS LAID BABIES IN MY DICK!@#!#@!#!@#!" The maggots fell to
the ground and scattered off. His testicles were now hanging out of the sack
wide open...Suzan grinned and said "Look we can love in unity now, we both
have living things in our groin area!!@#"

And they lived hapily ever after with Suzans worms and Mr. Ph0rks family of
maggots!@#

						The End

This lovely tale of a happy family was brought to you by:

                         the Banshee

                 oh yes... it does get worse......